This is How You Know You're PMSing

by: BRIDGET CONLIN

You know the dreaded week right before you get your period, when you’re convinced that Mercury has somehow slipped back into retrograde, there’s a full moon, or Justin and Selena broke up again? It’s a v dark week of the unparalleled misery that we affectionately know as PMS. No, it’s not just you, it happens to all of us and we all act like terrors during this hellish week every month. Especially when we’re normally, like, super chill.

Read on for ten ways you know you’re PMSing.

You’ve considered selling your younger sibling for a burrito or pizza.

Or both at the same time. Maybe a burrito spread across a pizza or a pizza slice wrapped around a burrito. Any and every food item seems like a snack option. The mall food court? No problem- challenge accepted. A McFlurry and chicken nuggets? Bring it on, that’s child’s play.


EVERYTHING makes you cry.

One time I cried on the subway for 15 minutes because I heard a homeless man playing “Silent Night” on a flute. I thought he deserved a Grammy. Sometimes it’s a commercial on TV with a dog, kitten, baby or family. Maybe Domino’s has a new pizza tracker. Anything and everything will set off a powerful waterwork display.

You would describe your body type as a species of whale.

Beluga. Orca. Humpback. Blue. Narwhal. Take your pick. The bloating isn’t going anywhere for a week.


You’re convinced even your left pinky nail has cramps.

They say cramps occur in your uterus, but I’m not totally convinced because everything else also hurts at the same. No matter how many versions of the fetal pose you do it will always be uncomfortable. That’s a good enough reason to stay home from school, if you ask me.

You search “narcolepsy” on WebMD to see if you have it. Then you become convinced you have Cancer.

You can pretty much fall asleep anywhere and everywhere. Floor, couch, table, and car all seem like reasonable places of rest even after a full night of sleep.

You break out like crazy.

Since cramps aren’t enough, your skin also has to break out!! Thank you Universe! Luckily, we have a guide for that ;).

Everything and everyone is suuuuuuuper annoying.

Your sister took your new Glossier product. Starbucks got your order wrong and gave you an entirely new name. Your BFF broke your Snap streak. That fire selfie didn’t do so hot on Insta.

You’re more extra than usual.

And you should be. It’s pretty rad what our bodies can do, but when you feel all these feels you probably need a little extra TLC.

You look into careers and sponsorships with Lululemon since that’s all you wear.

The idea of putting on real pants sends a chill down your spine. Forget about crop tops, it’s all about that sweet Lululemon stretchy pant. During this time, you’ll also probably decide you hate all your clothes for whatever reason and consider putting them all up on DePop immediately.

Moving to a remote village begins to seem like a rational life choice.

Iceland? Peru? Greece? Since basically everything has gone wrong this week, why not just move to another country where no one knows you? Maybe PMS won’t happen in another country. Let’s go with that.

 

 

COVER IMAGE: Pinterest

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *